talk to me…

so…anyone that knows me, knows that i adore jill scott.

like, her voice is the obvious object of admiration. but…as a wannabe-writer and lover of words? i totally dig her lyricology. (yes, i’m pretty sure i just made that ish up. #sowhat) that plus, her subtle raw-ness…form a deadly combo that has me convinced that she is my #sisterfromanothermister! ha! i’m kidding. maybe. (and, no…i’m not her #1 fan, so don’t go there!)

anyhoo…she has a song that i used to bump 24 by 7 because it said some thangs i have felt a time or two in my life. in recent days, however…it has been on repeat — in my mind. at least the first line of it. whyzzat? #gladyouasked

see…i’ve had the pleasure of…dialoguing with a very neat somebody recently. not just that fake and corny, “hi, how you doin, whatchoo doin today'” type stuff. i mean, real, rawdog, no-holds-barred, intellecutallystimulatingwithoutboringmyprettypinktoesoff conversation. and, because of that…this song has been stuck in my dome.

this first line is simple, but, i sooooooo feel her. (that’s what a #sisterfromanothermister does, d’oh!) it simply says: “…i’ve been talking tooooo this mannn…he’s been sayin’ what i like, annnn’ he makes me smillle, when i’m down…soo-oo down…”

*sigh*

now. i’m pretty sure that those same people that know i dig j.scott, also know that i am a sucker for a good conversation. that goes for convo with men or women. if you ain’t taumbout ish? i canNOT be bothered. at. all.

but, the great flow of ideas, opinions, goals and dreams between a man and a woman (particularly when EYE am that woman), does something to me.

it’s exciting.

it’s invigorating.

a good confabulation (doesn’t that sound like “something”?) can even heighten your very awareness of all that surrounds you…making you look at the same ole things in totally new ways.

and, if’n it’s REALLY GOOD? it can excite the senses enough to…yah. THAT.

so.

THATz what a good convo does to me. am i the only one?

hollatchagurl…

tgif

so.

it’s been a long time since i have felt the need to ‘hurry up and get the week over with’…but, this is exactly how i’ve felt. all week. and, i don’t know why. i’ve been extremely tired. and, unable to focus on anything. like. ANYTHING. but, i have had some good conversations that were long overdue. so, for that? i’m grateful. (just one of the many things, i might add!)

the days since my last blog post have been filled with:

  1. a family reunion (which was muy successful, if i do say so myself)
  2. a chance encounter with a thurrrrsty dude (9 calls in 48 hours? yah. um. NO.) disguised as a potential candidate for entry into my world (more on that in another post)
  3. a jam-packed three days of database management work (exciting, eh?);
  4. a rejection email from a company that i was trying to convince myself i wanted to work for;
  5. an 2:45 a.m. awakening by a super handsome police officer to inform me that a drunk driver had hit my parked car;
  6. a great convo followed by yet, another display of thurrrrst (poetry and we haven’t met yet? yah. no.) with another brotha looking to fill out an application;
  7. an awesome brainstorming session with my oldest friend in life on some uber exciting stuff coming up (can’t say more ret nah *wink, wink*);
  8. and a myriad of other interesting moments that my God has allowed me to witness;

and, yet…i must admit to this week feeling just a bit…off. goals weren’t met. tasks remain incomplete and…guess what? i kindasorta don’t care. *shrug*

ha! who am i kidding with that last line? anyyyyyyone that knows “lova”, knows that my overly analytical (see? i have no problem admiting my character flaws) mind has been trying to identify ‘the why’ for this…sense of blahness. can’t find one. so…i’ll just ride it out. let it do what it’s gonna do.

but, i have ‘learned a lesson’: sometimes you just have to BE. IN. THE. MOMENT. (if that ain’t some oprah sounding ish) i admit…i kinda suck at that. i spend a lot of time…A LOT…on the move. to the next destination. the next project. the next event. the next meeting. the next _____ (you name it and i’m probably on my way there).

wellllp. i’ve found myself unable. like. literally. shutdown. don’t wanna.

i am going to spend some time (can’t say how much…i’m far to fickle to commit to something like THAT! *giggle*) re-centering and simply being still. and, knowing.

hollatchagirl…

self-preservation

have you ever woken up feeling pretty darn good and start rolling through your day only to hit a road bump that has the potential to derail your whole…ENTIRE…day? yah? me too.

today is one of those days.

but, i refuse to give in. i’m rather determined to readjust myself after that road bump…and, prepare for the smooth sailing that shalTTTT be the rest of my day.

in order to do this, i might limit my communication with the outside world. phone calls will go to voicemail. texts may be saved for tomorrow. emails may be deleted. twitter may go unchecked. (sike. who am i kidding on that one?) but, you get the idea. today…i fly under the radar. solo dolo. that’s me.

cuz…sometimes you have to ‘do whatchoo gotta do’ to preserve you.

well.

all the time you have to do whatchoo gotta do to preserve you. my mind is in twenty-8 different directions today and fortunately for me, they all have to deal with…*you guessed it*…ME.

#thatisall

hollatchagirl

random #983

it’s friday night. the friday before a major holiday. and, i am…at the local bookstore down the street from my house. reading. writing. working (only minimally, though). being…*dare i say it*…content.

seem weird? so be it. you should probably stop reading now, if you think so.

one thing i’ve learned on my journey thus far is…my path is my path. period.

so, yes. it’s friday. the friday before a major holiday and…the invites (yes, plural) came. i declined some and ignored others. i’m not popular. no. trust me, that’s not it. i am just the goodtimecharlie that people want around to feel good about whatever it is that they need to feel good about. i am fun. no cockiness…just fact. but, alas. i am not with any of them. i am…alone. on a friday night. the friday night before a major holiday.

the last few years of life have shown me some different things. about myself. and, other people:

  1. i rarely mind being alone;
  2. i would welcome (#ithink) a companion if HE sent me one, but, the fear of losing ”mytime” scares me a lil’ bit…#beentheredonethat;
  3. i enjoy hanging out and all that that entails, but i don’t hafta always have it;
  4. i don’t have nearly the number of true friends that most people think i do;
  5. i don’t like what most people like;
  6. i’m busier than a lot of people i know;
  7. i am moody…terribly so;
  8. i am often pleased, blissful even, with the very simple things in life;
  9. i am increasingly less patient with the foolish, selfish, mean, fraudelent souls on this earth and am often driven to roll dolo because of it;
  10. i am very sensitive, despite the seemingly hard exterior;

at the end of the day…i’ve learned to see people for what they are and not what i want them to be. i think i do this because ultimately it’s what i want from them. dah well. #irambleiramble

hollatchagirl…

smiling will get you nowhere…

being that this is the 2nd post for today…forgive its random nature.

wait.

i’m always random here…and, everywhere else. *shrug*

anyhoo…i wanted to tell yall (who is yall? who is reading this? #theyllnevertell) about this cutie that i caught eyeballing me on saturday night (multiple times).

the reason why this is memorable is because at one point, after a few quick glances…he looked me dead in my eye…i returned the favor — with one of my award-winning smiles. he then smiled back. but, i broke the gaze — the intensity seemed to have gotten to me a lil’ bit. (lol!)

at any rate, it happened again. only this time, i was giggling a lil’ bit…when i looked up again. it was then that i saw that he’d taken a step towards me and stopped.

phock.

did he think i was laughing at him? i so wasn’t. i dunno what i was doing. schoolgirl nervousness? (is that a word?) at any rate…he didn’t approach. and, other than another quick glance he kept it moving.

now.

because i am who i am…i wasn’t hardly going to approach him. but, since it’s thursday and i still remember his spectacularly, sparkly (thanks to my new @twitter buddy for that one) smile…i’m wishing i had.

if you were me in that situation…other than not goofing it up in the first place, would you have approached HIM? yesnoMAYBEso?

hollahatchagirl…

failing, but winning…

so. there are so many things that i fail at daily. like. really. the list is longggggggggggggg.

and, yet…i rarely go to sleep without feeling like a WINNER! #blueribbonoverhere

see. life has shown itself to be quite the challenge in the last 15 months. i have had more difficult days during that time than…EVER. but, i wouldn’t trade the experience for the world. i know me…WELL. i have gotten to know other people (better than i wanted to at times). and, most importantly, i’ve gotten to know HIM. who? GOD. yah. HE’S that dude.

one thing that i fail at miserably is updating this darn blog. sheesh. rim needs to quickly come out with an improved wordpress app so that i could have the flexibility to update from the bb. somehow, though…that seems like an excuse.

so. yah. um…moral to THIS story? #imawinnnnnnnnnnnner

hollatachagirl…