My Face…

  
This is my face when I have a few reaaaaallllly good conversations with #someonenew and then discover that THAT’S all they got. 

Oh. 

Forrrreal? Okay…great. Thanks. #Buhbye 

*sigh*

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Ramblings of OneBlackWoman #20160211

Today is day two of what I pray will be a period of growth and development…in Christ. This Lenten season will be different from others. Can’t wait to see how. 

I’m snuggled into one of my favorite places — my bed — and, am taking a moment to capture some of the thoughts of the day. 

  1. Life teaches some very difficult lessons. Unfortunately, for me…I’ve been a slow learner on many occasions. Recently someone that I (foolishly) ‘carried a torch’ for has seemingly found love. And, while I do wish him/them the best, hearing him speak on this underscored for me how utterly stupid I’d been (trying to be and do what only God could do in his life). All in the name of friendship. When, in actuality…the cost of that lesson was more than I could afford. 
  2. Sometimes, God does allow you to witness the ‘downfall’ of those who may have mistreated you. I received some news today about an individual who has, for 5+ years been a source of griefangstfear for many. It wasn’t good news, either. Interestingly enough, I didn’t find joy in it. I didn’t shed a tear either. I *did* thank God for His saving grace doe. Coulda been me…believing in my power instead of His. 
  3. I must be gentle with me. I have reached a point on this journey where pausing and loving on me is no longer an option. It is a requirement. I’m not sure how I missed this lesson, but…LovA 4.4 is intent on mastering it. More naps. More new experiences #Just4Me. More saying NO to what doesn’t serve me. More peace. 

So. Yeah. Happy Thursday, indeed. 

Be well. 

Love from LovA😘

falling back…

a couple of weeks ago, mr. drew-shane daniels wrote an article for clutch titled, “fall back”.

the title alone piqued my interest and compelled me to actually read (instead of skim) it. i was pleasantly surprised as mr. daniels tapped into a topic that i found both interesting and highly personal. my #vaultism prevents me from going into detail, but, just know that i am intimately acquainted with the concept of ”falling back”. *insert bbm zipped lips smiley*

side-note: because the author is writing from a male-perspective, his ‘words to the wise’ are directed towards his female readers. but, i can’t help but to wonder how his advice might be altered if he were to address his brethren.

at any rate, the very first sentence drew me in:

“The struggle in liking someone is that it’s very, very hard to swallow the reality of how much you actually like them.”

#ohboy. um. wow. yah…there it is. isn’t this THE probable cause for allllllllllll #operationfallbacks in existence? of course it is. men and women alike are SO fearful of being found ‘doing too much’. i get it. (more than you will ever know) however, when you end up doing nothing cuzzah that fear…? you’re failing. miserably.

mr. daniels goes on to say that: “…Relationships are made up of two people’s emotions, two people’s wants, and two people’s needs.” really? is that it? it’s that simple? i think so. i trulllllllly believe that WE overcomplicate our relationships. either it is or it isn’t.

unfortunately, we often can’t answer the question(s) about what IS. i just recently had someone tell me that people in relationships should always be able to assess and communicate ‘where they are’ and ‘how things are going’ in any relationship in which they find themselves. sounds good, but…it is a rarity. unless…you’re mature enough to put on your big girl (or boy) pants and have those sometimes uncomfortable conversations. emotions are a bish, no? lol.

anyhoo…back to the article.

i lovelovelove it. it was refreshing. it was enlightening. it was affirming. a couple of days ago, a friend of mine expressed concern over letting a guy she was interested in know it. i thought of mr. daniels and sent her the link. i can only hope that she found the strength (yes, it takes some) to exhale and realize that it is indeed okay to express an interest — particularly, if it’s reciprocative one.

i purposely haven’t gone into A LOT of detail on this article. go. read. it. #youwontbesorry

but, i will leave you with one more ‘golden nugget’ — mr. daniel’s closing statement: “So you want to fall back?  Be cautious, you just might miss out.” #POW

so, yah. falling back may have you falling out…of what could be the #greatloveofyourlife.

#thatisall

random #983

it’s friday night. the friday before a major holiday. and, i am…at the local bookstore down the street from my house. reading. writing. working (only minimally, though). being…*dare i say it*…content.

seem weird? so be it. you should probably stop reading now, if you think so.

one thing i’ve learned on my journey thus far is…my path is my path. period.

so, yes. it’s friday. the friday before a major holiday and…the invites (yes, plural) came. i declined some and ignored others. i’m not popular. no. trust me, that’s not it. i am just the goodtimecharlie that people want around to feel good about whatever it is that they need to feel good about. i am fun. no cockiness…just fact. but, alas. i am not with any of them. i am…alone. on a friday night. the friday night before a major holiday.

the last few years of life have shown me some different things. about myself. and, other people:

  1. i rarely mind being alone;
  2. i would welcome (#ithink) a companion if HE sent me one, but, the fear of losing ”mytime” scares me a lil’ bit…#beentheredonethat;
  3. i enjoy hanging out and all that that entails, but i don’t hafta always have it;
  4. i don’t have nearly the number of true friends that most people think i do;
  5. i don’t like what most people like;
  6. i’m busier than a lot of people i know;
  7. i am moody…terribly so;
  8. i am often pleased, blissful even, with the very simple things in life;
  9. i am increasingly less patient with the foolish, selfish, mean, fraudelent souls on this earth and am often driven to roll dolo because of it;
  10. i am very sensitive, despite the seemingly hard exterior;

at the end of the day…i’ve learned to see people for what they are and not what i want them to be. i think i do this because ultimately it’s what i want from them. dah well. #irambleiramble

hollatchagirl…

friends…

[originally posted 8.29.06 on my other blog]
Xanga…watz up witcha? I know itz been an insane amount of time since last I posted. The funny thing is…I don’t even have a good reason for not doing so. My spirit jez wasn’t moving me to do so, I guess. At any rate, I had a thought that I’d like to share.

I’m sick of the word ‘FRIEND’.

There I said it.

This word is the most OVERWORKED word in the English language. Yeah…yeah, it is…cuz I said so.

The following are just a few reasons why I hate the word:

1. It carries multiple meanings & connotations which rarely will be interpreted the same way by any 2 people.

2. It is used incorrectly & ‘loosely’ by people who have no other word to describe their human interactions.

3. In the dating arena it has become a ‘catch-all’ term describing any variety of engagement w/the opposite sex. (Yep, from “…girl, you know you like a play cuzin…” to “…girl, you need to quit playin’ and gimme some, cuz I’m…”! Right.)

4. Its overuse in our society causes people to be misled, feel betrayed, misunderstood, etc. because people have expectations of their FRIENDS. So, when those expectations are left unfulfilled, folks often do what? *LOSE* FRIENDSHIP. (Now, I wanna know how you lose something like a friendship? I mean, it’s not a pair of socks…so WTH???!!!)
5. The fifth, and singlemost reason I hate this word is because eeeeeeevvvvrrrybody wants one — but, they don’t always wanna be one.

I don’t mean to come back to the Xanga family sounding bitter. But then again…do I really care how I sound? Hmmnn…not so much.

To those folks that I call Friend, know that I love you with all that I am…and, then some — cuz sometimes that might not be enough…

Latah…

I almost feel a little better now. Almost but not quite.

an-isl.jpg …from the lil’ whirlwind trip to couldfallinlovewithyou island.

i didn’t wanna go. in fact, i fought hard to find reasons why taking the trip was a bad idea. thought since the destination never appeared on my list of “go to places”, it would be a waste of my oh-so-precious time.

but, as is often the case — i was wrong.

once i landed, and deplaned ’stupidair’, i decided to relax and just ‘let my hair down’. making the conscious decision to enjoy myself was definitely a good one. i was able to discover many of the hidden treasures of the island — things only known to those who inhabited it daily. my heart was warmed many times by the sheer beauty of it all. as an added plus, i found the island to be interesting, funny and filled with a variety of new and exciting activities. all of this and great hospitality, too? yes. i was having a blast.

then…it started to rain.

the native islanders kept trying to reassure me that it would only last for a day or so. that is was just a seaonal thing that occurred from time to time.

but, ummmmnnn…nah…not so much.

days and days (and days) later, it was still be coming down. not pouring, just drizzling. (ya’ know…the kind that gets on your nerves — not enough for an umbrella, but enough to mess up your fresh ‘do…that shyt…ugh.)

this rain…totally unexpected. woke up from a nap and there it was.

the rain.

making the temperature muggy and uncomfortable. sending me to my air-conditioned room just so i could breathe.

the rain.

drinks too much and gets cock-diesel with it.

asks HIM, “why me?”, with a dejected spirit in tow.

doesn’t trust black women — while claiming to like, love, and want me so .

is consumed with the pain of a lost love, wayyyyyyyy deep in his soul.

and says ’sorry’ for things that really…can’t be controlled.

the rain.

*sigh*

yeah…seems my umbrella ain’t big enough.

or maybe…i just don’t like the rain…unless, something is being made in it — like love or mud pies.

so, i’m back.

resting.

in my own sunshine.

basking in the glory that is mine. mine? yep, MINE. from the one, to whom I say, “i am thine.”

i’m back.

wiser.

refreshed.

no regrets.

just grateful for the realization that…as nice as it was to get away, *that* island, just ain’t FOR me.