Ramblings of OneBlackWoman #20160211

Today is day two of what I pray will be a period of growth and development…in Christ. This Lenten season will be different from others. Can’t wait to see how. 

I’m snuggled into one of my favorite places — my bed — and, am taking a moment to capture some of the thoughts of the day. 

  1. Life teaches some very difficult lessons. Unfortunately, for me…I’ve been a slow learner on many occasions. Recently someone that I (foolishly) ‘carried a torch’ for has seemingly found love. And, while I do wish him/them the best, hearing him speak on this underscored for me how utterly stupid I’d been (trying to be and do what only God could do in his life). All in the name of friendship. When, in actuality…the cost of that lesson was more than I could afford. 
  2. Sometimes, God does allow you to witness the ‘downfall’ of those who may have mistreated you. I received some news today about an individual who has, for 5+ years been a source of griefangstfear for many. It wasn’t good news, either. Interestingly enough, I didn’t find joy in it. I didn’t shed a tear either. I *did* thank God for His saving grace doe. Coulda been me…believing in my power instead of His. 
  3. I must be gentle with me. I have reached a point on this journey where pausing and loving on me is no longer an option. It is a requirement. I’m not sure how I missed this lesson, but…LovA 4.4 is intent on mastering it. More naps. More new experiences #Just4Me. More saying NO to what doesn’t serve me. More peace. 

So. Yeah. Happy Thursday, indeed. 

Be well. 

Love from LovAšŸ˜˜

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The F Word

How many times have you heard someone say: “Just have faith.”?
Too many to count, I am sure.
Having grown up in an environment filled with all-things-Christian, I’ve heard that simple command stated often. Effortlessly, even. Whether by family members, church-goers, friends or co-workers…nearly everyone has allowed these words to roll off of their tongue at some point. Interestingly enough, however, we humans aren’t nearly as adept at being FAITHFUL in our daily walks. So, it is safe to say that there is nothing effortless about having faith. Or, is it? (I know, I know, I know…you’re probably thinking, LovA has lost her ever-lasting mind. That may be true, but   I’m still making a valid point! LOL!)
Now. Anyone who is anyone and has attended just one Sunday School class in their lifetime knows the Hebrews 11:1 definition of faith #backwardsandfrontwards. I’ve always believed that we were given this trusty definition as a tool for our impending struggles in life. But, for me? As an adult? The real-life application of that is sooooooooo much more than those fifteen (yes, I counted) words.
If we walk around TALKING about having faith…it stands to reason that at some point, God is going to require a demonstration of said faith, right? Right. Seems fair.
Over the last six or seven weeks, I have done A LOT of thinking…reflecting…self-analysis…etc. For those of you that know me, you understand fully the enormity of this statement. *cheese*  I have found myself in a situation that has required MORE OF ME. A health issue popped up and in this time of research and discovery, I have gained a new appreciation for that word — FAITH. (Funny how that works, eh?)
See, up until a couple of weeks ago, my mind was doing more than its fair share of playing out the various #WHATIFs. Admittedly, most of the scenarios were leaning toward the negative side of the house. I kept trying to remain positive, but, inevitably some doubtful ‘piece of something’ would sneak back in and there I’d go again.  Honestly? It got rather ridiculous.
It wasn’t until I stumbled upon a new Twitter follow that I was put in check. I read the following tweet and everything stopped moving. #literally
photo
Yes, @pwillie1, or the Lord working through him, is responsible for my return back to what’s real. While the entire tweet was beautiful, it was the portion in the red box that caused my heart to skip a beat and realize that I had been behaving foolishly. I read this a couple of times and found myself staring at it like…really? It’s that easy? Why, yes, lil LovA…yes, it is. The same amount of energy that it takes doubting the success of a thing can be easily transferred to having faith in that same success. It really is your choice. God does not want us worrying about things about which we have no control. That is simply, WRONG. Additionally, I believe that the key part of real faith is trusting Him to take care of you — regardless of the outcome. *gulp*
There are two things that have kept me right-minded since. One is the Serenity Prayer which states simply: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and, the wisdom to know the difference.”  The other is Matthew 6:34 “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Together, these remind me that today is the day in which I should focus my energy…and, leave the rest in the hands of the man who holds it.
Effortless, indeed.

don’t. look. down.

don’t look down.

i read this in a book last week. it was couched in betweenXT the author’s story about how he got down a scary ski slope by NOT LOOKING DOWN. nevermind that he wasn’t supposed to be on it in the first place.

interesting, no? the story, while inspiring, had nothing to do with skiing. at least to me. for me. this simple command resonated with me so deeply because i’ve been guilty of doing so. more than once, even.

yes. looking, down…around…back…everywhere except FORWARD and UP. hmph.

i’m not going to pretend to wax something poetic on the topic of life. i can’t. i don’t know enough. too ignant. not enough experience. simply, #unable.

what i am going to do is…share. write. talk. to myself, if need be.

recent weeks have found me in spot that i haven’t been in in…ever. i was going to say ‘in a long time’, but this is an “in ever” moment. i continue to be challenged professionally in my efforts to land in “the spot” where i’m supposed to be. some days the conclusion i reach is that that may be something more fluid for me. like…finding the right gig for me right now. that doesn’t make sense though, does it? almost sounds irresponsible. and, far be it fromĀ this capricorn to sound (or be) irresponsible. but. i am no longer willing to say what i will and won’t do…will and won’t try. in recent weeks some opportunities have fell in my lap that remind me why each new day is…a gift. i’m open.

and, this? only works if i don’t…look…down. the view is simply too scary.

pressing through…

so.

right now…at this very second, i am sooooo very sick to my stomach. like. BLECH! i am literally sitting here taking slow, deep breaths while chewing my eclipse spearmint gum (it seems to help for some reason, #dontaskme and #dontjudgeme). *breathe in, breathe out, chew*

great way to begin the post, right? well…YAH…it IS, in fact. *insert bbm winking smiley*

because, it is whilST i am SITTING here fighting this nausea (instead of LAYING ‘cross my oh-so-comfortable bed), that i am hit with the sickening (pun intended) realization that i kindasorta don’t have a choice but…to…press…through. i must continue to sit at this desk and slowly, deliberately work my through the mountainous to-do list i’ve created for myself. a list…that’s filled with tasks for a variety of projects — some work, some personal…some just flat-out miscellaneous. ALL of them needing progress. today.

*sigh*

now. this isn’t anything remarkable. or earth-shattering. EYE know. but. it did inspire me to visit yall for a hot second (gotta get back to this list) and share a thought!

cuz, really? isn’t that what life is all about? PRESSING THROUGH? don’t we all have shytuations that require us to just…keep moving…keep breathing…UNTIL. until…it gets better…until we see results…until a change comes…just — UNTIL.

i personally thank God daily (sometimes hourly, yah…it’s RUFF like THAT!) for giving me what i need to keep it moving. if it weren’t for him, i would be stuck. stalled. somewhere…not moving forward.

so. if you’re reading this on THIS day? know that i am praying for your ability to press through whatever it is that’s on your plate today…knowing that we will all get there.

one breath at a time.

hollatcha girl.

worth missing…

so.

if you know me, you know that i am a huge fan of the twittah. (got that from one of my #twitterati homies) well, last night, one of the many talented people that i follow, tweeted the following statement:

“be worth missing.”

simple statement, right? right. but, it’s usually the simple, small things that have the biggest impact, no? ok, so what does that mean, exactly? (yah, yall know i can rarely go with ‘face-value’. lololol!) but, seriously…what kind of person is ‘worth missing’? some folks may be thinking on a surface level — like what tangible items a person may provide. but, for me…a person WORTH missing is one that provides a benefit on a far-deeper level.

and, as it turns out, this simple, yet powerful directive, is a secret life-goal of mine. yes, i strive daily to be the type of person that is missed. and, while this may seem egotistical, that is not at all how i mean it.

living your life in such a way that EVERYONE with whom you have contact is positively impacted is…HUGE! leaving people better than you find them is a challenge i think more people should take on.

cuz, see…life and its twistsNturns often leave people feeling beat up and hopeless. i know i have felt that way mannnnnny times. however, it has never failed that GOD placed someone in my path that allowed me to recall, regroup and refocus. and, for that? i’m thankful. overwhelmingly so.

commercial break –> contrary to popular belief, we’re not here for our own pleasure. sorry. i know that may disappoint some, but…we’re not. building GOD’s kingdom (via His people) is the ultimate job description for which we all have been hired. but, alas…i digress. #moreonthatatanothertime <– back to our regularly-scheduled program

when we go about our daily lives not caring about anything other than what WE have going on…i kindasorta think we’re missing the mark. i know i always feel better after i’ve allowed my heart to connect with another’s.

now, i know…sounds hokey, right? yah. whatever. i’m not referring to a huge, involved entanglement in another person’s affairs. in fact, that’s just nosiness. (#vaultismadvocate) what i AM taumbout is simply letting our peeps know that they have our support and that we genuinely want the best for them. this is a beautiful thing. simply put, it’s what’s hoTTT in these streets.

so, um…yah. MY peeps will know that EYEcare.com.

cuz…well…i’m tryna be found worthy.

tgif

so.

it’s been a long time since i have felt the need to ‘hurry up and get the week over with’…but, this is exactly how i’ve felt. all week. and, i don’t know why. i’ve been extremely tired. and, unable to focus on anything. like. ANYTHING. but, i have had some good conversations that were long overdue. so, for that? i’m grateful. (just one of the many things, i might add!)

the days since my last blog post have been filled with:

  1. a family reunion (which was muy successful, if i do say so myself)
  2. a chance encounter with a thurrrrsty dude (9 calls in 48 hours? yah. um. NO.) disguised as a potential candidate for entry into my world (more on that in another post)
  3. a jam-packed three days of database management work (exciting, eh?);
  4. a rejection email from a company that i was trying to convince myself i wanted to work for;
  5. an 2:45 a.m. awakening by a super handsome police officer to inform me that a drunk driver had hit my parked car;
  6. a great convo followed by yet, another display of thurrrrst (poetry and we haven’t met yet? yah. no.) with another brotha looking to fill out an application;
  7. an awesome brainstorming session with my oldest friend in life on some uber exciting stuff coming up (can’t say more ret nah *wink, wink*);
  8. and a myriad of other interesting moments that my God has allowed me to witness;

and, yet…i must admit to this week feeling just a bit…off. goals weren’t met. tasks remain incomplete and…guess what? i kindasorta don’t care. *shrug*

ha! who am i kidding with that last line? anyyyyyyone that knows “lova”, knows that my overly analytical (see? i have no problem admiting my character flaws) mind has been trying to identify ‘the why’ for this…sense of blahness. can’t find one. so…i’ll just ride it out. let it do what it’s gonna do.

but, i have ‘learned a lesson’: sometimes you just have to BE. IN. THE. MOMENT. (if that ain’t some oprah sounding ish) i admit…i kinda suck at that. i spend a lot of time…A LOT…on the move. to the next destination. the next project. the next event. the next meeting. the next _____ (you name it and i’m probably on my way there).

wellllp. i’ve found myself unable. like. literally. shutdown. don’t wanna.

i am going to spend some time (can’t say how much…i’m far to fickle to commit to something like THAT! *giggle*) re-centering and simply being still. and, knowing.

hollatchagirl…

self-preservation

have you ever woken up feeling pretty darn good and start rolling through your day only to hit a road bump that has the potential to derail your whole…ENTIRE…day? yah? me too.

today is one of those days.

but, i refuse to give in. i’m rather determined to readjust myself after that road bump…and, prepare for the smooth sailing that shalTTTT be the rest of my day.

in order to do this, i might limit my communication with the outside world. phone calls will go to voicemail. texts may be saved for tomorrow. emails may be deleted. twitter may go unchecked. (sike. who am i kidding on that one?) but, you get the idea. today…i fly under the radar. solo dolo. that’s me.

cuz…sometimes you have to ‘do whatchoo gotta do’ to preserve you.

well.

all the time you have to do whatchoo gotta do to preserve you. my mind is in twenty-8 different directions today and fortunately for me, they all have to deal with…*you guessed it*…ME.

#thatisall

hollatchagirl