pressing through…

so.

right now…at this very second, i am sooooo very sick to my stomach. like. BLECH! i am literally sitting here taking slow, deep breaths while chewing my eclipse spearmint gum (it seems to help for some reason, #dontaskme and #dontjudgeme). *breathe in, breathe out, chew*

great way to begin the post, right? well…YAH…it IS, in fact. *insert bbm winking smiley*

because, it is whilST i am SITTING here fighting this nausea (instead of LAYING ‘cross my oh-so-comfortable bed), that i am hit with the sickening (pun intended) realization that i kindasorta don’t have a choice but…to…press…through. i must continue to sit at this desk and slowly, deliberately work my through the mountainous to-do list i’ve created for myself. a list…that’s filled with tasks for a variety of projects — some work, some personal…some just flat-out miscellaneous. ALL of them needing progress. today.

*sigh*

now. this isn’t anything remarkable. or earth-shattering. EYE know. but. it did inspire me to visit yall for a hot second (gotta get back to this list) and share a thought!

cuz, really? isn’t that what life is all about? PRESSING THROUGH? don’t we all have shytuations that require us to just…keep moving…keep breathing…UNTIL. until…it gets better…until we see results…until a change comes…just — UNTIL.

i personally thank God daily (sometimes hourly, yah…it’s RUFF like THAT!) for giving me what i need to keep it moving. if it weren’t for him, i would be stuck. stalled. somewhere…not moving forward.

so. if you’re reading this on THIS day? know that i am praying for your ability to press through whatever it is that’s on your plate today…knowing that we will all get there.

one breath at a time.

hollatcha girl.

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worth missing…

so.

if you know me, you know that i am a huge fan of the twittah. (got that from one of my #twitterati homies) well, last night, one of the many talented people that i follow, tweeted the following statement:

“be worth missing.”

simple statement, right? right. but, it’s usually the simple, small things that have the biggest impact, no? ok, so what does that mean, exactly? (yah, yall know i can rarely go with ‘face-value’. lololol!) but, seriously…what kind of person is ‘worth missing’? some folks may be thinking on a surface level — like what tangible items a person may provide. but, for me…a person WORTH missing is one that provides a benefit on a far-deeper level.

and, as it turns out, this simple, yet powerful directive, is a secret life-goal of mine. yes, i strive daily to be the type of person that is missed. and, while this may seem egotistical, that is not at all how i mean it.

living your life in such a way that EVERYONE with whom you have contact is positively impacted is…HUGE! leaving people better than you find them is a challenge i think more people should take on.

cuz, see…life and its twistsNturns often leave people feeling beat up and hopeless. i know i have felt that way mannnnnny times. however, it has never failed that GOD placed someone in my path that allowed me to recall, regroup and refocus. and, for that? i’m thankful. overwhelmingly so.

commercial break –> contrary to popular belief, we’re not here for our own pleasure. sorry. i know that may disappoint some, but…we’re not. building GOD’s kingdom (via His people) is the ultimate job description for which we all have been hired. but, alas…i digress. #moreonthatatanothertime <– back to our regularly-scheduled program

when we go about our daily lives not caring about anything other than what WE have going on…i kindasorta think we’re missing the mark. i know i always feel better after i’ve allowed my heart to connect with another’s.

now, i know…sounds hokey, right? yah. whatever. i’m not referring to a huge, involved entanglement in another person’s affairs. in fact, that’s just nosiness. (#vaultismadvocate) what i AM taumbout is simply letting our peeps know that they have our support and that we genuinely want the best for them. this is a beautiful thing. simply put, it’s what’s hoTTT in these streets.

so, um…yah. MY peeps will know that EYEcare.com.

cuz…well…i’m tryna be found worthy.

falling back…

a couple of weeks ago, mr. drew-shane daniels wrote an article for clutch titled, “fall back”.

the title alone piqued my interest and compelled me to actually read (instead of skim) it. i was pleasantly surprised as mr. daniels tapped into a topic that i found both interesting and highly personal. my #vaultism prevents me from going into detail, but, just know that i am intimately acquainted with the concept of ”falling back”. *insert bbm zipped lips smiley*

side-note: because the author is writing from a male-perspective, his ‘words to the wise’ are directed towards his female readers. but, i can’t help but to wonder how his advice might be altered if he were to address his brethren.

at any rate, the very first sentence drew me in:

“The struggle in liking someone is that it’s very, very hard to swallow the reality of how much you actually like them.”

#ohboy. um. wow. yah…there it is. isn’t this THE probable cause for allllllllllll #operationfallbacks in existence? of course it is. men and women alike are SO fearful of being found ‘doing too much’. i get it. (more than you will ever know) however, when you end up doing nothing cuzzah that fear…? you’re failing. miserably.

mr. daniels goes on to say that: “…Relationships are made up of two people’s emotions, two people’s wants, and two people’s needs.” really? is that it? it’s that simple? i think so. i trulllllllly believe that WE overcomplicate our relationships. either it is or it isn’t.

unfortunately, we often can’t answer the question(s) about what IS. i just recently had someone tell me that people in relationships should always be able to assess and communicate ‘where they are’ and ‘how things are going’ in any relationship in which they find themselves. sounds good, but…it is a rarity. unless…you’re mature enough to put on your big girl (or boy) pants and have those sometimes uncomfortable conversations. emotions are a bish, no? lol.

anyhoo…back to the article.

i lovelovelove it. it was refreshing. it was enlightening. it was affirming. a couple of days ago, a friend of mine expressed concern over letting a guy she was interested in know it. i thought of mr. daniels and sent her the link. i can only hope that she found the strength (yes, it takes some) to exhale and realize that it is indeed okay to express an interest — particularly, if it’s reciprocative one.

i purposely haven’t gone into A LOT of detail on this article. go. read. it. #youwontbesorry

but, i will leave you with one more ‘golden nugget’ — mr. daniel’s closing statement: “So you want to fall back?  Be cautious, you just might miss out.” #POW

so, yah. falling back may have you falling out…of what could be the #greatloveofyourlife.

#thatisall

talk to me…

so…anyone that knows me, knows that i adore jill scott.

like, her voice is the obvious object of admiration. but…as a wannabe-writer and lover of words? i totally dig her lyricology. (yes, i’m pretty sure i just made that ish up. #sowhat) that plus, her subtle raw-ness…form a deadly combo that has me convinced that she is my #sisterfromanothermister! ha! i’m kidding. maybe. (and, no…i’m not her #1 fan, so don’t go there!)

anyhoo…she has a song that i used to bump 24 by 7 because it said some thangs i have felt a time or two in my life. in recent days, however…it has been on repeat — in my mind. at least the first line of it. whyzzat? #gladyouasked

see…i’ve had the pleasure of…dialoguing with a very neat somebody recently. not just that fake and corny, “hi, how you doin, whatchoo doin today'” type stuff. i mean, real, rawdog, no-holds-barred, intellecutallystimulatingwithoutboringmyprettypinktoesoff conversation. and, because of that…this song has been stuck in my dome.

this first line is simple, but, i sooooooo feel her. (that’s what a #sisterfromanothermister does, d’oh!) it simply says: “…i’ve been talking tooooo this mannn…he’s been sayin’ what i like, annnn’ he makes me smillle, when i’m down…soo-oo down…”

*sigh*

now. i’m pretty sure that those same people that know i dig j.scott, also know that i am a sucker for a good conversation. that goes for convo with men or women. if you ain’t taumbout ish? i canNOT be bothered. at. all.

but, the great flow of ideas, opinions, goals and dreams between a man and a woman (particularly when EYE am that woman), does something to me.

it’s exciting.

it’s invigorating.

a good confabulation (doesn’t that sound like “something”?) can even heighten your very awareness of all that surrounds you…making you look at the same ole things in totally new ways.

and, if’n it’s REALLY GOOD? it can excite the senses enough to…yah. THAT.

so.

THATz what a good convo does to me. am i the only one?

hollatchagurl…

tgif

so.

it’s been a long time since i have felt the need to ‘hurry up and get the week over with’…but, this is exactly how i’ve felt. all week. and, i don’t know why. i’ve been extremely tired. and, unable to focus on anything. like. ANYTHING. but, i have had some good conversations that were long overdue. so, for that? i’m grateful. (just one of the many things, i might add!)

the days since my last blog post have been filled with:

  1. a family reunion (which was muy successful, if i do say so myself)
  2. a chance encounter with a thurrrrsty dude (9 calls in 48 hours? yah. um. NO.) disguised as a potential candidate for entry into my world (more on that in another post)
  3. a jam-packed three days of database management work (exciting, eh?);
  4. a rejection email from a company that i was trying to convince myself i wanted to work for;
  5. an 2:45 a.m. awakening by a super handsome police officer to inform me that a drunk driver had hit my parked car;
  6. a great convo followed by yet, another display of thurrrrst (poetry and we haven’t met yet? yah. no.) with another brotha looking to fill out an application;
  7. an awesome brainstorming session with my oldest friend in life on some uber exciting stuff coming up (can’t say more ret nah *wink, wink*);
  8. and a myriad of other interesting moments that my God has allowed me to witness;

and, yet…i must admit to this week feeling just a bit…off. goals weren’t met. tasks remain incomplete and…guess what? i kindasorta don’t care. *shrug*

ha! who am i kidding with that last line? anyyyyyyone that knows “lova”, knows that my overly analytical (see? i have no problem admiting my character flaws) mind has been trying to identify ‘the why’ for this…sense of blahness. can’t find one. so…i’ll just ride it out. let it do what it’s gonna do.

but, i have ‘learned a lesson’: sometimes you just have to BE. IN. THE. MOMENT. (if that ain’t some oprah sounding ish) i admit…i kinda suck at that. i spend a lot of time…A LOT…on the move. to the next destination. the next project. the next event. the next meeting. the next _____ (you name it and i’m probably on my way there).

wellllp. i’ve found myself unable. like. literally. shutdown. don’t wanna.

i am going to spend some time (can’t say how much…i’m far to fickle to commit to something like THAT! *giggle*) re-centering and simply being still. and, knowing.

hollatchagirl…

self-preservation

have you ever woken up feeling pretty darn good and start rolling through your day only to hit a road bump that has the potential to derail your whole…ENTIRE…day? yah? me too.

today is one of those days.

but, i refuse to give in. i’m rather determined to readjust myself after that road bump…and, prepare for the smooth sailing that shalTTTT be the rest of my day.

in order to do this, i might limit my communication with the outside world. phone calls will go to voicemail. texts may be saved for tomorrow. emails may be deleted. twitter may go unchecked. (sike. who am i kidding on that one?) but, you get the idea. today…i fly under the radar. solo dolo. that’s me.

cuz…sometimes you have to ‘do whatchoo gotta do’ to preserve you.

well.

all the time you have to do whatchoo gotta do to preserve you. my mind is in twenty-8 different directions today and fortunately for me, they all have to deal with…*you guessed it*…ME.

#thatisall

hollatchagirl

random #983

it’s friday night. the friday before a major holiday. and, i am…at the local bookstore down the street from my house. reading. writing. working (only minimally, though). being…*dare i say it*…content.

seem weird? so be it. you should probably stop reading now, if you think so.

one thing i’ve learned on my journey thus far is…my path is my path. period.

so, yes. it’s friday. the friday before a major holiday and…the invites (yes, plural) came. i declined some and ignored others. i’m not popular. no. trust me, that’s not it. i am just the goodtimecharlie that people want around to feel good about whatever it is that they need to feel good about. i am fun. no cockiness…just fact. but, alas. i am not with any of them. i am…alone. on a friday night. the friday night before a major holiday.

the last few years of life have shown me some different things. about myself. and, other people:

  1. i rarely mind being alone;
  2. i would welcome (#ithink) a companion if HE sent me one, but, the fear of losing ”mytime” scares me a lil’ bit…#beentheredonethat;
  3. i enjoy hanging out and all that that entails, but i don’t hafta always have it;
  4. i don’t have nearly the number of true friends that most people think i do;
  5. i don’t like what most people like;
  6. i’m busier than a lot of people i know;
  7. i am moody…terribly so;
  8. i am often pleased, blissful even, with the very simple things in life;
  9. i am increasingly less patient with the foolish, selfish, mean, fraudelent souls on this earth and am often driven to roll dolo because of it;
  10. i am very sensitive, despite the seemingly hard exterior;

at the end of the day…i’ve learned to see people for what they are and not what i want them to be. i think i do this because ultimately it’s what i want from them. dah well. #irambleiramble

hollatchagirl…